A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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