she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I want to make a zoo with you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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