So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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