I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize