I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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