apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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