Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize