walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize