if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And then my night got REAL pukey
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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