In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize