She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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