We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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