did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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