Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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