the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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