i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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