Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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