it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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