Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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