8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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