my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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