Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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