If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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