I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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