As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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