my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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