come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize