u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize