Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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