It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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