Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
where are my eyebrows?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize