Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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