smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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