from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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