when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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