Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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