dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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