3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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