My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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