I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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