I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize