her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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