We named our party play list daddy issues
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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