She said her name was "party"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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