Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
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Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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