Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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