I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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