if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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