Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize