I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
this hospital has no fireball
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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